Passage in progress postponed. More research needs to be done or I'd be raping the memory of Nanking. I'd never forgive myself.

Looking up some facts for my passage made me wonder: at what point do we start accepting something as truth? Do we need to go beyond the wikipedia search, news headlines, and words of someone we trust? Has it become like the proverbial three times makes a truth? Somewhere in between 3 and 12139 I suppose...---probably 42. (Why are all my conclusions lately somewhere in between? When a panda refuses to screw to save its species, you want immediate action, not compromise. It must be the lack of sleep making me so damn impatient these days. The jet lag has not yet set in and I still wake up at 3am each day. Yeah yeah.yeah. What a lame whiny excuse. fuck me. I'll use the same one explaining why I've been swearing so much since my return).

Damn it. I keep asking myself questions raised in Grade 12 IB Theory of knowledge. And I wonder if perhaps that class had been more to me than the usual cheap 20-minute-1000-word essay-right-before-class-spraying-bullshit-nearly-faster-than-I-can-type, or the pitiful attendance of 3 classes out of 46 (skipping, not marijuana, was my high school addiction), I’d have more fucking answers than I do now. But that’s another history all in itself.

Anyhow, reading my journal entries from China, I came across this one:

Nanjing July 2, 2005

I was on my toes, haggling for a pair of red fishnet stockings when a forty-year-old woman's raucous scream pierced through the cacophony of the busy street behind. There, a street width apart from me, hung a man, fingers tightly wrapped around the cold steel pole of a downtrodden building's construction grid.
And I stood there. Motionless. Waiting like a dumb wax statue. As the colours drained out of his gently convulsing body and as a purplish blue laced onto his trembling lips. And I stood there as he stared blankly ahead of him, straight at me it seemed then, while being electrocuted to death.
I stood there, behind zooming cars and the growing comotion, waiting for someone else to do something.

I didn't buy the fishnet stockings.

Thought I should at least share one event that had an immense impact on me.


Post a Comment

<< Home