I’m sure my ass would look better with a new pair of genes

Within the past 40 hours, I have ingested 40 pounds of food into my body, fell in love with 3 blogs, read l’Etranger for the 5th time, argued about the importance of literature, listened to 39 hours of music, became Simone de Beauvoir, then reconsidered because I suddenly felt repulsed by Sartre’s mole on his left cheek which became as big as Enrique Iglesias’, agreed that the new NINstuff sounded more like the foo fighters (egawd), breathed 6 hours of fresh hair, complained about my room smelling like tofu, told 15 people that I was bored, looked up tattoos and despaired over the fact that my body acquires French rolls faster than the speed of light and thus makes a rather undesirable canvas, wondered whether Neron got more pleasure out of killing his mother or his brother, if it will be as sunny today as tomorrow, wished I had a job, imagined myself to be an extra terrestrial without extra terrestrial powers, pondered the meaning of life, thought about last week’s nightmare, monitored La République du livre like a moron, read all the published articles I wrote this year and wished I never published because they stank baboon manure, contemplated on watching Sideways again in order to draw the similarities between me and Miles, read the Grinch’s words all over again, read two chapters of Alice through the looking glass, laughed at jokes like Q:"How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?" -A:"Fish", surfed deviantart and wished I could carve out talent from people’s bodies and implant them into my uterus which will somehow reproduce them into my somatic cells, wanted to set myself on fire but was too cool for that, pondered the meaning of life, heard about a journalist/porn star who became my instant idol (for sixty seconds), slept more than I should and probably drooled during my sleep, pondered the meaning of life, hated my sister for ditching me for a guy (shallow bimbo that I love regardless *sigh*), thought about wearing pink for the first time in like five years, wondered why my head is 1.5 times bigger than everyone else's, feared that we were nothing but poor bags of chemicals, pondered the meaning of life, uploaded way too much on a blog no one knows about, seriously considered taking some Ritalin, wished concentration was a fish you could catch, wished I could have a conversation about imagination with Einstein, but realized I would be so intimidated I would probably be able to hide behind a thread if the situation ever arose, hoped that ugliness was only on the inside, had all the cells in my body vibrate to Pagan poetry and finally pondered the meaning of life. On that note, I promise anyone who can give me a definition of post-modernism a lollipop.

My convocation is in two hours where I will receive a well-deserved certificate of distinction from the academy of half-witted slackers.