It's weird to have so many bottled up emotions and thoughts that entirely dissipate away once these keys are pressed on, one by one. I have come to the conclusion that it's a cleverly designed mechanism which serves as an automatic suppresor set to restrain me from jutting down "ideas" that seem so novel and splendid in my mind into mediocre words that can be used to prove my extraordinary commonality.

Anyhow, mediocre or not, I've decided to impose my thoughts to the public once again, because I feel that I can't possibly hide from my fears all my life. Eventually, they'd get me and pin me to a wall like a wriggling slimy despicable worm. Since I happen to have a little more dignity than that, I will fess up myself. It's been surprising to see how long I've managed to avoid any kind of confrontation with my issues.
Afraid of my unnatural intensity of emotions, I resorted to absolute numbness. Afraid to be an insignificant piece of flesh, I have raised a wall of aloofness and pretense. Afraid of my ugliness, I have clogged my pores with chemicals each day. And worst of all, afraid of my own stupidity, I have completely avoided putting myself in situations which can put me face to face with criticism (constructive or not).

So maybe it's time. Time to murder that coward and create a human being. I have spent enough of my life being emotionally constipated and mentally paralyzed by an illogical lack of self confidence.


Blogger Sherren said...

YES. Illogical lack of self confidence. But YAY, so glad you're writing again. You're a very talented writer, darling!

12:38 AM  
Blogger Y said...

Merci chère sherren..!

4:37 PM  

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